RAPE: HOW CAN I RUIN YOU?

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All I saw was the ceiling, there was a ceiling fan twirling above my head but there was no air. Every PUMP took my breath away. Every PUMP took my scream away. If I moved- a calloused fist would swing in the dark – then stars would appear, floating around my face. His SWEAT tasted like metal-it was like he was exuding blood from his sweat glands.

His fingernails entered my skin like tiny blades. I felt those fingers crawling around inside me for years. Those razors sliced my womanhood and innocence to pieces. I wanted him to just KILL me. I didn’t deserve to live through that. I didn’t cry because my eyes would burn. I didn’t want to move because another rage-filled fist would punish me. I hated myself for being so weak. I hated myself for allowing this to happen.

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As I continued to lay there, I started to become complacent with the pain. In a way, I started feeling like I deserved it. I closed my eyes as he fucked me harder-the dryness didn’t stop him. My tensed body didn’t stop him.

IS THIS REAL? WAS THIS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?

I was 15 years old at the time. The rapist happened to be someone very close to one of my relatives. I trusted him, I let him in my life, and all he knew to do was take my sanity and innocence. I never told anyone, I was so afraid. I wasn’t the best kid and I was troubled, so who would believe me? That night invades my life everyday. Men that I thought that I could trust, only hurt me!

THANK GOD, I HAD AND HAVE THE STRENGTH TO CONTINUE WITH LIFE.

LET’S GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE. CHANGE HAS TO COME!

Metaphorically speaking: A Ladybug With No Spots?

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Real picture taken by me in Greer, SC

How often do you see a real ladybug with no spots? Not very often I would guess, but this is actually my first time.

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Taken by me, spotless ladybug and ant

The ladybug is alone with a little pest in its face. No similarities in sight. Where is his family? Where are his friends? This ladybug is similar to me in so many ways!

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Seems so unimportant but very significant

I’m a spotless ladybug, I’m independent and as we’ve stated before, I’m friendless. I’ve been living in the State of South Carolina for 8 years with no family in sight. All of my family is located in Detroit, Michigan. I feel alone a lot in this world. I’m one of the ones that wants happiness and equality. I can honestly say I’m one of the good ones. I still help people, with no ulterior motive. Nowadays you have to give, and give a lot to receive anything. No one is friendly anymore either! If you’re friendly, you’ll get a label from society as being a whore, flirtatious, or talkative. Labels & Categories is how we describe each other today. If you’re smart, you’re a nerd, if you like sex, you’re nympho. Einstein was a genius but labeled him as “crazy” because he understand things that no one else could comprehend.

I am “weird” myself, I love to talk, I love to write, and I love words. I’m extremely observant, as you can see, I spotted a spotless ladybug. I have an ability to “over-analyze” anyone and anything. I pay close attention to details about everything. I like to pick bumps, they have way too much control over my skin. When I see a bump I just have to help it release those disgusting fluids that hide underneath.

Yes, I’m a spotless ladybug because who in this world thinks like me? My mind gets loads of overtime. Anyway, this precious ladybug spiked my interest and made me feel more welcome in this world. Call it what you want. But that ladybug will prosper, and so will I……. spotless-not like the rest-stomp to my own MUSIC- I’M A LEADER-WHILE THE REST OF THE WORLD MARCH IN UNISON.

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Lacey

Lacey C Riley
LACEYS PACE

AM I WEIRD FOR BEING OPTIMISTIC

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IF A PERSON SEEMS WICKED, DO NOT CAST HIM AWAY.
AWAKEN HIM WITH YOUR WORDS,
ELEVATE HIM WITH YOUR DEEDS,
REPAY HIS INJURY WITH YOUR KINDNESS
DO NOT CAST HIM AWAY;
CAST AWAY HIS WICKEDNESS.

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I’m a very optimist young lady! Am I weird for having an open mind? Am I weird because I love to learn?

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Lacey C Riley
LACEYS PACE

“Childhood Deprivation”{Story}

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MY LIFE AT A GLANCE

KID: Thoughts, Actions, Consequences

I was troubled as a kid. However, my troubles were silent. I didn’t have/expose a “well-known” mental disorder such as retardation, ADHD, Schizophrenic, or Bipolar Disorder. It started off as an attention thing. Some where in this damn brain of mine, I craved attention. I didn’t just need it; at that time in my life – I lived for it. ATTENTION–that word is more powerful than you may think. If you’re getting plenty of attention then you may not understand.

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THE WAY I ENVISION IT —×

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2 Beautiful Women

Photo courtesy of: http://ak3.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/4338311/preview/stock-footage-african-american-friends-laughing-and-talking-at-caf-x-e.jpg

FRIEND-TRUE
a true friend is what we all want and desire
Someone that is positive and will keep you inspired

A true friend tells you when you’re wrong and doesn’t lie to kick it,
Tells you that dress is ugly and ask why the hell did you pick it

A true friend brings you up when you’ve reached rock bottom,
They find the pieces to the puzzle when you just can’t spot em’

A true friend has your back through it all, no matter what
y’all will go to war together and fight til the Sun come up.

a true friend is so much more than words can describe
They can ease away the pain better than pills that were prescribed.

a true friend will knock you down when your pride is too high
they build you back up with pristine insight

A true friend won’t fill you up with bull hoping you believe it
they will forever remain true and loyal – and never act like just an acquaintance!

a true friend doesn’t advertise your secrets or broadcast your biz
They will hold them deep down forever even through a cris-is!

a true friend is always there, you can’t beat that with a stick,
you don’t need glasses to see them cause they’re the ones you’re sitting here with.

Like, love, share, comment…. Until next time

Lacey C Riley
LACEYS PACE

“Friend-Less” Part II

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Sad, lonely, confused, but STRONG!

Photo courtesy of: http://www.healthyblackwoman.com/what-happens-to-adult-black-women-who-suffered-abuse-before-age-11/

After the hurt from the dealer mentioned in part one, I still didn’t learn a clear lesson. I still searched for friends everywhere. I kept reaching out to females for friendship but as quick as it started-it ended. Some were lost because I wasn’t interested in anything that they had to talk about. I wasn’t into men, especially after dealing with the last one. I wasn’t interested in shopping, hair, nails, makeup, or anything they had in mind. I tried being friends with older women but they tried to turn me out. Let me give you a more detailed description of what being “Turned Out” means.

I met this lady at McDonald’s-we both were employed there. During the time that I worked at McDonald’s, I was having some serious issues with my marriage. My ex husband and I were very violent towards each other. So due to my situation at home, I was making plans to leave my home to get away from that toxic relationship.

Over time, I started chilling with the female that I mentioned previously. I would go over her house and try to talk to her about my problems, but she was always trying to find some gangster or drug dealer to hook me up with. She would do my hair in ways that I wouldn’t normally style it. She didn’t like any of my clothes-so she changed that too.

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