All I saw was the ceiling, there was a ceiling fan twirling above my head but there was no air. Every PUMP took my breath away. Every PUMP took my scream away. If I moved- a calloused fist would swing in the dark – then stars would appear, floating around my face. His SWEAT tasted like metal-it was like he was exuding blood from his sweat glands.
His fingernails entered my skin like tiny blades. I felt those fingers crawling around inside me for years. Those razors sliced my womanhood and innocence to pieces. I wanted him to just KILL me. I didn’t deserve to live through that. I didn’t cry because my eyes would burn. I didn’t want to move because another rage-filled fist would punish me. I hated myself for being so weak. I hated myself for allowing this to happen.
As I continued to lay there, I started to become complacent with the pain. In a way, I started feeling like I deserved it. I closed my eyes as he fucked me harder-the dryness didn’t stop him. My tensed body didn’t stop him.
IS THIS REAL? WAS THIS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?
I was 15 years old at the time. The rapist happened to be someone very close to one of my relatives. I trusted him, I let him in my life, and all he knew to do was take my sanity and innocence. I never told anyone, I was so afraid. I wasn’t the best kid and I was troubled, so who would believe me? That night invades my life everyday. Men that I thought that I could trust, only hurt me!
THANK GOD, I HAD AND HAVE THE STRENGTH TO CONTINUE WITH LIFE.
LET’S GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE. CHANGE HAS TO COME!