“CHILDHOOD DEPRIVATION”poem

Alone:

I hate being alone but it’s a necessary task
You get to be first priority instead of always being last.
You’re forced to deal with your true self when you’re all alone
You open up new things that’s been left unknown.
You’re left to face raw emotions that crawl around in your mind
But you can’t take it, so you find things to occupy you’re time.
Being alone brings peace and serenity
instead we stay busy, doing things constantly.
Take this time to get to know yourself
Because at the end of the day, all you have is you, nothing else.
Being alone is not so bad
Cause one day we’ll have to face ourselves; and I hope it not our last.
You can learn so much from being alone
Like how to to interpret your deceitful thoughts that makes you so cold.
I hate being alone but we must deal with it, with FAITH,
nothing is guaranteed but as long as we protect ourselves, we’re bound to be safe

PSYCHOSIS

Photo courtesy of: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/248159.php

Have you ever sat down with thoughts in your mind and don’t know what they are?

Stuck quietly in a gaze deep and far.
Unable to explain exactly how you feel
As if you’ve lost touch with what’s fake and what’s real

When you’re hurt it feels good and when you feel good it hurts
when you really think about, it sounds absurd.

Despite the absurdity, that’s how I really, truly feel,
I feel like my mind is over crowded headed for overkill.

Sometimes I feel several emotions all at once
Not knowing which ones to keep and which ones to plunge.

At times I feel so alone in this head of mine, like no one feels the same way that I do,
questioning my sanity continuously as if my mind is askew.

Do we even know if we are awake or asleep?
Can we decipher an illusion from what we really believe?
I feel all these things but really I don’t know what it all means

I depend on these emotions, maybe it’s time to be weaned
Live and let go is the best route to take,
Empty my mind and free my spirit to relieve this heartache.

Lacey C Riley
LACEYS PACE

“Friend-Less” Part II

Sad, lonely, confused, but STRONG!

Photo courtesy of: http://www.healthyblackwoman.com/what-happens-to-adult-black-women-who-suffered-abuse-before-age-11/

After the hurt from the dealer mentioned in part one, I still didn’t learn a clear lesson. I still searched for friends everywhere. I kept reaching out to females for friendship but as quick as it started-it ended. Some were lost because I wasn’t interested in anything that they had to talk about. I wasn’t into men, especially after dealing with the last one. I wasn’t interested in shopping, hair, nails, makeup, or anything they had in mind. I tried being friends with older women but they tried to turn me out. Let me give you a more detailed description of what being “Turned Out” means.

I met this lady at McDonald’s-we both were employed there. During the time that I worked at McDonald’s, I was having some serious issues with my marriage. My ex husband and I were very violent towards each other. So due to my situation at home, I was making plans to leave my home to get away from that toxic relationship.

Over time, I started chilling with the female that I mentioned previously. I would go over her house and try to talk to her about my problems, but she was always trying to find some gangster or drug dealer to hook me up with. She would do my hair in ways that I wouldn’t normally style it. She didn’t like any of my clothes-so she changed that too.

Even pretty girls get lonely “FRIENDLESS”

Ok so just to get this over with, I have no friends! I mean don’t get me wrong, I have friends on Facebook, followers on twitter and instagram, and connections on LinkedIn; but no real friends in my life. Hard to believe? Is it hard to believe because I’m pretty? If you answered yes, you’re an idiot!

Just kidding, but seriously, I don’t have any friends, homegirls, road dogs, besties, fwb (friends with benefits), buddies, or anything of that nature. I socialize but not thoroughly. When I was younger, I always felt weird. I always liked what other girls my age, didn’t like. I loved to do boy things but that didn’t help because even though the boys played with me, I was still a girl and nothing could’ve changed that.

Let’s start from the beginning but I’ll be brief. In school, I loved to learn – a lot! I loved English, reading, writing, creative writing, and just anything that could consume my mind. No one in my household was interested in my interests. As I continued to grow up with my business – like mind, I became more and more confused about people and life. In school, I was one of the smartest and one of the poorest. Those two categories alone will keep anyone friendless unless you attract people that share your interests. Unfortunately, I wasn’t that lucky. Due to many circumstances, I attracted kids that were violent, lived in disturbed and dysfunctional homes, kids that had careless parents, and poor kids.

Hospital Visit: Psychiatric Prison

The EMS arrived at my home and got me to start talking. They sympathized with me and gave me all the attention that I needed. One of the paramedics actually gave me a lecture about life which was comforting at the time. The two paramedics promised that I would get the help that I needed. I arrived at the hospital on a stretcher but thank God they didn’t strap me down. All of the nurses were starring at me and whispered amongst each other. I expected that though-due to the reason I was I was being hospitalized.